Archive for March, 2010

Kiran-Mama time

Are you ever watching TV, driving your car, working, eating, walking, reading, talking to a friend, and a random memory pops into your head? Just all of a sudden you remember something from elementary school, college, a movie, a family gathering, a decades old conversation. What made you think of that, at this moment?

It happens in grief all the time. Without forethought a picture comes to mind. It doesn’t discriminate where you are or what you are doing. It just happens.

Recently, I was in a large training session and I had a full on sensory memory. Every afternoon Kiran would come home from pre-school and before his nap we needed a bit of down time. I would let him pick a video and we would sit on the floor together and watch. He would put his head on my lap and I would rub his head, play with his hair. It was our special time together.

Right in the middle of this meeting I can remember the feel of the weight of his head on my lap, his fine, soft hair (like mine) in my fingers. The sense that sometimes comes in the presence of your child, of peace.

Tears sting my eyes, but I sit still, and let it happen. The memory envelopes my whole body. It’s just a moment. I let a few tears slide, slowly, and then I am back in the meeting.


The house is silent.

I hear…

Time it was and what a time it was,
A time of innocence a time of confidences.
Long ago it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they’re all that’s left you

Suggestions for further reading

I have found comfort in seeking out others who have shared the experience of losing a child.  It’s interesting to see that no matter how different we can be as individuals there can be a bond in this shared experience.   It’s weird in a way, to find comfort in not being the only one, yet still hoping beyond anything that this doesn’t happen to anyone else.

I guess that is my way of introducing you to another blogger, Hailey’s mom.  Hailey passed away in August of 2009.  She and Kiran had a few things in common, not the least of which was that they were both three years old.  Hailey’s mom has been blogging longer than I have and I have been reading for a while now.  If you all have a few minutes I would like you to check out her blog on 2/27/09 entitled “What To Say? What To Do?”  You can find her here.

Sometimes I am asked for guidance, and sometimes I just give it.  Here is something from someone else who is living it, like me, and not a book…although if anyone wants a book suggestion I have a few.  Actually, Elizabeth Edwards wrote very eloquently about the death of her son in her book Resilience (I wouldn’t suggest the entire book for obvious reasons, but about two thirds of the book is specifically about her son and I am not sure I could have said it any better).   Anyway, you will see how different Hailey’s mom and I are, yet if I sat down to write a list it wouldn’t be much different.