I have reached the point where I don’t focus all of my energies on what I would be/should be doing each day if Kiran were still alive.  We have fallen into a rhythm in what appears to be a new life.  I don’t really know what it means.  Are we really accepting Kiran’s death or is it just the next wave of denial???

So, I barely noticed that Halloween was yesterday.  We planned our Sunday around errands.  In the late afternoon we were driving through the center of town to be greeted by all the local kids parading through town in their costumes.  At first I was really excited looking at how cute they were, shouting “look at that one!”  Then like a slam to the gut I remembered that I should be parading on those streets with Kiran.  Kiran would be five, what costume would he have picked?  I could see his excitement at being with the other kids.  I teared up, missing my baby.  I guess I can pretend to be ok for periods of time, but it always come rushing back.