I have reached the point where I don’t focus all of my energies on what I would be/should be doing each day if Kiran were still alive. We have fallen into a rhythm in what appears to be a new life. I don’t really know what it means. Are we really accepting Kiran’s death or is it just the next wave of denial???
So, I barely noticed that Halloween was yesterday. We planned our Sunday around errands. In the late afternoon we were driving through the center of town to be greeted by all the local kids parading through town in their costumes. At first I was really excited looking at how cute they were, shouting “look at that one!” Then like a slam to the gut I remembered that I should be parading on those streets with Kiran. Kiran would be five, what costume would he have picked? I could see his excitement at being with the other kids. I teared up, missing my baby. I guess I can pretend to be ok for periods of time, but it always come rushing back.
#1 by Elaine on December 9, 2010 - 8:42 pm
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I was stuck in traffic driving into work tonight, and drove by the exit on 95N that I used to take to get to you guys. I ended up spending the duration of my hour long drive in thinking about and missing Kiran. I guess it does come rushing back, but I am so glad it did even though I might have looked like a crazy crying in the car stuck in traffic. Would never ever want to get to the point where I can’t recall memories of him or not be reminded of him when driving by “your exit”…thinking of you guys.